dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
