sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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