so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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