I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
