goodnight i made you a song goodbye
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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