I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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