Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize