you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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