Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
