Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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