she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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