I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
50% drunk capacity currently
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
