she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
