We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
