If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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