You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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