onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
