im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
