Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
