I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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