Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
