Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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