In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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