I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
