You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
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A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
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I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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