i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
