Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
