Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
