Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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