i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just want to make out with him forever
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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