So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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