It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
