i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
