I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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