Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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