I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
