sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
