just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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