Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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