i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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