I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
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I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
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Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
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