guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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