Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
