if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
A bitchslap is in order.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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