kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
