I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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