last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
