I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
