I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize