Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
