Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
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I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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