My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
