my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
