i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
