You made me cry and you don't even care
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Sext me about skeletons
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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