God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize