THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
