So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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