yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos