yea but for you.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.