fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?