I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
I'm going back tonight
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching