i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.