I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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