I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
