I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
