You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Randomize
