she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
