That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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