I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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