Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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